The Relationship Manual - Giving Away Your Power

What is a Relationship Manual?

It is an instruction guide we have for people in our lives about how we would like them to behave so we can feel good and be happy.

We can have a manual for our spouses, children, siblings, parents, bosses.   Whenever we think someone should act differently chances are good you have a manual for them 

We generally don’t tell the other person what’s in our manual, and we usually don’t even realize we have it or see the pain it causes us.

We feel that the other person should just “know” what to do and how to treat us. While it may seem justified to have expectations of other people, it can be very damaging when your emotional happiness is directly tied to their behaving a certain way.

Many people have manuals that stem from the belief that they would be happier if someone in their lives would change. This is a huge cause of suffering because they’re handing over the power of how they feel to someone else.

What I teach my clients is other people’s behavior has no impact on us emotionally until we think about it, interpret it, and choose to make it mean something. No matter what people do, how they act, or what they say, we don’t have to give others the power to determine how we feel.

If you have lived your whole life giving your power away, it may be difficult for you to realize you have been doing this voluntarily and unnecessarily.

THE PROBLEM WITH MANUALS

Adults have the ability and freedom to behave however they choose. This includes you. There is nothing you ever have to do, and there is nothing anyone else has to do for you.

The truth is, each of us is responsible for meeting our own needs.

When you’re in a relationship where you feel responsible for filling someone else’s needs and they feel responsible for filling yours, there is constant manipulation and effort to control one another so that in the end, nobody wins.

The truth is, you cannot control another person, and there is nothing they could possibly do that would make you as happy as you want to be.

All of the power to feel happy lies within you.

If your emotional life is tied to your partner’s behavior, you’ve given away all of your power and have set yourself up for disaster.

if both partners are responsible for their own happiness, they can meet in the middle and have fun together. This is how the best relationships function.

When you have manuals for other people you put your emotions and happiness in the hands of other people.

If you would like some help understanding your manuals and learn how to let go of them let's set up a time to chat and we can look at this together.